It doesn’t happen all of a sudden, not a flip of a switch and not on the night of your 30th birthday! Instead, it just slowly creeps on you like a giant iceberg melting at a very low temperature. Actually, you mock the transition and claim it invalid on the week of your birthday as you keep checking your face that still hasn’t developed any lines, your breasts that are still defying gravity and your ability to take the stairs three at a time without gasping for air. You don’t care that you lost that innocent look of your early twenties, you’re enjoying your more “mature” big girl status…
It just happens bit by bit! You don’t even notice it at first! Starts with small different preferences (I will take the aisle seat instead of the window seat, I will go with the comfortable shoes instead of the 3-inch heels, I will have the low fat yogurt instead of that yummy pastry… I don’t want the T-shirt with attitude, I will buy the shirt with stripes that match, I’m not interested in an outing with 25 people 18 of which I haven’t met, I prefer a cozy coffee with 3 good ones! & somehow you’re convincing yourself that these are the right, wiser, healthier and more mature choices!
Then certain music becomes too loud, certain movies become too stupid and certain places become too crowded for a nice conversation!
Before you know it, you became that one dull person in her thirties with the safe hair do and sport-chick outfit that has hundreds of 80s & 90s music on her iPod that she still has them since Napster days, the one that scuffs at the energy and greenness of the fresh graduates and doubts their ability to make something out of themselves.
You become that person that you’ve always mocked, hated, & knew in your guts that you will never be… you can never become! Somehow in your pursuit of finding the best version of yourself, you became this lousy knock off of what was supposed to be good, resulting in a mediucor sorry execuse of a person who once was someone.
Today, less than a week of my 33 birthday, I feel old, wasted, tired and totally worn out. I feel I’m in my thirties.